The Dance of Us: The Carousel
I dance with the idea of us. So gentle, so fleeting, like gilded horses, gently rising and falling on a carousel. How can I be angry at you? You left me right where we started. I was, and I am, but oh my, the torment it took to get to this point! The nausea, squeezing my eyes shut, holding the pole to ignore that we were sick. To be loved by you, was to hold your hand tightly- to be led, but not followed. Who is following who on a carousel ride? The ride only stopped, the records loaded for change, only after I’d torn my soul off the hinges. Is that the price of change? My sanity washed in the revolving fire of liquor, tears, apathy, lust. Tell me, tell me, that love doesn’t have to be accommodating, it just has to be. Tell me, tell me, that by design, the love you choose to give to others, is the love you’re choosing for yourself. Tell me, tell me, When does love become a selfish song? The second round, the third, the fourth, the fifth? Do things start to fall apart in the sixth, the seventh, or the eighth? Nine months of tragic lullabies play in my head, repeating melodies of lessons learned with other people, and now you have joined the chorus, Now you have joined the Carousel. Tragedy is in the fact that I can’t go back to you, not like this. Pride, for as much as I decry it, does serve a purpose. To hold me away from you, to tilt my tear stained face upwards with gentle hands, to tell me, ‘You Deserved Better.’
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Yet with you, love comes and goes so lightly, like a feather. Your plumes, curling through all the soft spaces in my heart. You hold me up, through the light, and let hope stream through my fingertips, Like sunlight through the wingtips of a bird. Things are changing for us, and I’m desperate to shape-shift, to accommodate you. If you were my staying place, it wouldn’t have come to this. If you were my staying place, we could have danced, one foot after the other. But now we’re dancing, dancing, dancing the final steps to the most beautiful, sad lullaby.
Amor, ven, que estan tocando nuestra canción.
-Watership